Caregiving: Are You Prepared?

Do you ever think, "I can't stand this one more day?" (I can't stand hearing the question that I've already answered 50 times. I can't stand one more complaint. Or unreasonable demand. Or dirty bathroom. Or sleepless night!)

Are you sometimes afraid that your self-control might snap? Do you feel guilty about the thoughts you sometimes have about this person you love?

You are not alone. These reactions are normal. Hundreds of people who are caring for a spouse, an elderly parent, a relative, or a friend feel the same way. Caregiving is not new, but families are now providing more difficult care, for alonger time than ever before. This is because we are not successful at treating serious, acute illnesses, and so people are living longer. But people who live longer develop more on-going or chronic diseases that make it difficult to looking after themselves. Although families are taking on the caregiving, most are not prepared for the tasks the face.

If you are the main caregiver in your family, you are probably the spouse or adult child of the person needing care. You may have chosen to be a caregiver out of love or sense of duty (or both). Or you may have taken on the job because there was no one else to do it. You may be caring for your relative in the same house or helping them live in their own place. Whatever the situation, you will surely find that caregiving does not always go smoothly.

Of course, caregiving can be very rewarding. Most people would prefer to live at home rather than in an institution. It will feel good to know that you are making this possible. Younger members of the family can learn much from the wisdom and experiences of the older one. They may alsoget a chance to hear about their family's history. Family bonds can become stronger as you work together to solve problems. Maybe you just wish to stay close to the person you have known and loved for many years.

But caregiving always brings with it some stresses and strains. Many people do not have the knowledge and skills needed for caregiving. The do not fully understand the aging process and begin to feel frustrated and helpless.

Each situation has its own special problems. Your ability to carry one and cope will be affected by many things. For example: How close were you this person in the past? What other responsibilities do you have (Job, Family)? How is your own health? And, most importantly, what kind of support do you have? Will others help share the caregiving and give you a break when you need it?

Sometimes caregiving becomes too much to handle. This is more likely if there are problems or strains between the adult needing caer and the caregiver. If you take out frustration on the person in your care, abuse or neglect may occur. Stress alone does not cause abuse but can be one of the reasons for it. It is important for all caregivers to know that support is available to them. If you feel stress building up, get some help before it becomes more than you can bear.

Taken from Vancouver Coastal Health, Take Care, A Handbook for familes caring for older adults